


IMMORTALITAS

by hereruha



Category: the GazettE
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Gods & Goddesses, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Angst, Deities, Drama, Gods, M/M, Magic, Reincarnation, Romance, Smut, Supernatural - Freeform, Violence, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-25
Updated: 2016-08-09
Packaged: 2018-06-04 11:25:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6655990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hereruha/pseuds/hereruha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Immortality isn't always a gift, especially when the gods are against you. Ruki has the feeling he will never find peace, no matter how hard he tries to repent, to be forgiven by the gods, for what he has done.</p><p>Someday, however, he's offered an escape route.</p><p>Would making a deal with the devil really take him out of his misery?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not a native speaker.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not a native speaker.

Once again he was brought back to this world to live another life. He wasn’t away for a very long time, only for a few years, which seemed like seconds to him. Once again, he would meet people, and while they would age, he would stay the same, seeing his friends dying once again right before him. He should have been used to this by now, but it never was easy to see the people you loved the most being taken away from you.

He stared at his reflexion in the mirror and sighed. This time he came back under the appearance of a young, Asian male. He had shoulder-length, blond hair with black roots, which wasn’t a colour he had expected to see on a man of this origin, but well... He would have to get used to it, or dye his hair if it bothered him too much. His eyes were dark-blue. That was something not usual at all either, but he couldn’t do much about it. This colour was the result of his condition. His eyes were heavily made up with black makeup, and his lips were painted in a blood-red colour. As usual, he had a petite figure, this was the only thing that never changed from one reincarnation to another. If he remembered well, this was his fifteenth reincarnation. He should have learnt his lesson by now. He could try everything he wanted, he would never die, he would always come back.

Whose life had he taken this time? He always came back in the body of someone who already had a life, and he never understood why. He looked at the inside of his right wrist and sighed, it was there, as usual… His ouroboros tattoo, the proof that he was doomed to eternal life. He shouldn’t have played with magic back then. If he hadn’t, he would be dead for a long time already, and thus, at peace.

As he looked around the flat he had woken up in, he understood that he was still in a similar era as the last time he was alive, though things seemed to have slightly changed, they had improved. He continued to look at the furniture and words popped up in his head, he was getting used to this period of time. The apartment wasn’t big but not small either, there were the usual rooms: kitchen, living room, bedroom and bathroom. But he also discovered a huge dressing room, which surprised him. As he looked through the clothes, his host’s memories started flowing through his mind, making him freeze in his spot and drop the high-heeled shoes he had in his hands.

His host… Who was he? Those things he saw weren’t common, the man he had taken the place of, he was dangerous. The blond walked hesitantly to the back of the room, to a corner that was hidden by the wardrobes. He slid his fingers all over the wall and finally found the place he was looking for. This was a hidden door, it was small, but he could slip in. He let his gaze roam around the room and retched, bringing his left hand to his mouth. What he saw on the other side… He directly closed the door and ran to the bathroom to throw up. How could he be back in such a body? This was so fucked up. He already wanted to die, though he knew it was impossible for the following five years. He flushed the toilet once he was done and directly brushed his teeth. Once again, his ouroboros tattoo came into sight. It was moving slowly, proving that he was getting used to this new body.

Matsumoto Takanori. That information suddenly came to him. So this was his name. It wasn’t that bad, either way he had to learn it at some point, as he didn’t remember his former names anymore, just his real one: Ruki, and he couldn’t exactly use it, people around him could suspect something if he changed too drastically in a short period of time.

He had been alive for more than seven centuries now, he couldn’t possibly recall everything, although there was this person… He had a lover. Each damn time he was back in this world, he would fall in love with the very same person over and over again. That person was mortal, he aged, not like Takanori, but he seemed to always come back to this world with similar features to his first body. Always the same divine, chocolate-brown eyes; the same soft, slightly plump lips; the same silky, ash-blond hair; the same strong body… Only his origin and name changed.

Takanori walked out of the bathroom, sighing heavily. This life would be hell, how many enemies did he have now that he was in this body?

He would have continued with similar depressing thoughts if it weren’t for the sound of a bell. He frowned, who could that possibly be? Going through his host memory, which actually was his from now on, he didn’t find anything about getting a visit. Even so, he went to open the door and gaped at the man standing there. A fucking pink head ladyboy, that’s the first thing that came to his mind.

“Hey Taka, I thought I’d drop by to give you the notes from yesterday’s classes,” said the man, smiling widely.

Takanori narrowed his eyes until he found the name of the newcomer: Shiroyama Yuu, a university friend… Or not. It seemed like this guy was a childhood friend of his host. He moved aside to let the magenta-haired man get inside the flat, and then closed the door. He only had made a few steps in the living room when he was pinned to the wall behind him, his head slamming against it, Yuu holding him by the neck. His eyes widened as the other grabbed his right wrist and took a look at his tattoo. His grip suddenly loosened and Takanori quickly moved away, yanking away his wrist from the other’s hand. He rubbed his neck and coughed, the man had taken him by surprise, knocking the air out of his lungs.

“You’re back too…”

Sadness and disappointment were clearly heard in the other’s voice. The blond stared at Yuu, confused, but when he locked eyes with him, he gasped.

“I was sure that this time you wouldn’t be back, you would have found peace, but I guess I was wrong,” whispered the pink head, lowering his head as he showed the ouroboros tattoo he had on his wrist too.

Takanori smiled apologetically to his friend, to his dear precious friend. That man was the only one who knew everything about Takanori, he was his only friend when he had tried that forbidden magic centuries ago, he was the one he took the risk with… He had been sharing Takanori’s torture since the very beginning.

“When did you come back?” asked the blond.

“Two months ago,” answered the other, still not being able to look at anything but his feet.

The smaller male slightly nodded and took the other in his arms, hugging him tightly.

“Sorry for taking so long,” he whispered.

The pink head grabbed him by the shoulders and made him face him, he kind of looked furious right now.

“Don’t you dare apologise! I didn’t want you to come back, I wanted you to find peace,” he growled, his eyes darkening.

Yuu also had blue eyes like Takanori’s, this must have been the result of their state. Now that he thought about it, they always shared the same eye colour. Takanori smiled once again at the other and shook his head.

“You know it’s not that easy,” he said, leading him to the couch.

“But you made such a huge sacrifice last time you died, you should have been forgiven,” Yuu replied, sitting down.

Takanori looked at his friend’s clothes. He was wearing a long red skirt, a colourful shirt with a black long jacket over it. He didn’t remember his friend ever wearing so feminine clothes, but then again, this was another era. Maybe it was accepted… No, it wasn’t that much, nowadays society’s mores were slowly getting to him, and it still wasn’t something common for a man to dress like a woman.

“Why are you dressed like that?” finally spoke Takanori, confused.

Yuu snorted at the question.

“I had a job before coming here and… Let’s say that was needed,” he answered, softly giggling.

“Hm… Does that job has anything to do with my host’s activities?” asked the blond, worrying a little about his friend’s safety.

Yuu glanced at him, surprised.

“You already found out?” asked the pink head.

“Yeah, it was one of the first things I discovered,” muttered Takanori.

“Not the best thing to know about yourself first… But, it is related,” replied the other, looking sorry.

“Yuu, was your host into it too? Or did you start it when you took control?”

“He was already taking part to it, though since I’m the owner of this body, I changed the things he used to do. I’m not that much in danger, Takanori, but you are.”

The blond rolled his eyes, his friend didn’t need to tell him that, he was already perfectly aware of it. His body maybe looked fragile, but he could feel a lot of strength and agility coming from it, he could feel it when he moved. His appearance was just an illusion to make people think he was a defenceless prey, though it was the utter opposite. Now that he looked at his clothes, he maybe wasn’t that different from Yuu. He wore tight black jeans and a grey, slightly see-through shirt that left no place for imagination. Over that he had a black jacket, but it was so tight-fitting that he couldn’t hide his slightly feminine curves.

“You know, it might sound stupid, but… I think they’re trying to do what we did in the past,” said Yuu, his voice barely audible.

“No way…”

“Takanori, you saw all those things in that hidden room, don’t you think there’s more to it than just a fucking hit man job and some weird fetishes?”

The blond took his head in his hands and gritted his teeth. Why were humans still so stupid? Eternal life was a curse, not a blessing. Immortality was worse than hell, he was positive about it. Yuu and him didn’t actually seek for eternal life when they started using magic, Takanori actually wanted to bring a loved one back… But it turned out otherwise, and Yuu and Takanori were damned to eternal life for breaking the sacred rules of life. They had mistaken a spell for another, and the one they used was to get eternity. The spell had failed, but the gods had been so furious that they had punished them.

Takanori had never stopped feeling guilty for what he had made Yuu become. Even after so many centuries and a lot of forever-lost memories, the blond would never stop feeling that way. He couldn’t fathom how he could have dragged his best friend in this mess, and how the latter couldn’t blame him for it. He definitely would have blamed Yuu if he were the one responsible for this, he knew it, he wasn’t the best person to have around.

“Why would they do that? Eternal life isn’t that great, why are humans still trying to get it?” he whispered, tears threatening to fall at any moment.

“Taka, humans have always been greedy, you know that. We somehow are the perfect example,” replied Yuu, rubbing the blond’s back softly.

“It doesn’t make any sense… I can see how things improved, they have everything they need to be content with their lives.”

Yuu hummed in response and wrapped an arm around the blond’s shoulders, pulling him closer.

“There will always be something people want, you know that. Nowadays, they work a lot on medicine and actually managed to find many cures for the diseases we feared back then, but this led to something else…”

Takanori shook his head, still disappointed, but finally gained back some of his composure.

“So… I’m a university student?” he asked, wanting to change the subject of their conversation.

“Yeah, you are, though I lied to you when I said I was bringing notes. I’m older than you, and I’m not majoring in Japanese literature like you,” Yuu answered.

So he would have to study this time. He came back in the body of a twenty-one-year-old man after all, and studies seemed to be needed nowadays. Some other memories were coming back to him now that Yuu had told him that. Takanori was majoring in Japanese literature as well as minoring in Arts, while Yuu was studying Psychology.

“Why did you say that then?” the blond frowned.

“Well, I suspected something when you didn’t show up at university yesterday, and when you didn’t come today either, I wanted to check.”

Takanori slightly fidgeted when he heard that. So he had taken more than twenty-four hours to regain consciousness. This had been longer than usual, but maybe this was due to the former host’s doings, all the researches and experiments on eternal life might have made the first adaptation to the body more difficult for the soul.

“I’ll come to take you tomorrow morning, so you’re not alone to adapt to your new life,” said the magenta-haired man, getting up.

“Thanks.”

Yuu got home soon after that and Takanori was left alone in his flat, not really knowing what to do now. He would find something, after all, there was a lot to learn now that he was back here.

✡✡✡

He was sitting on a bench in a park, waiting for his friend to come back with something to drink. It was five in the afternoon and their classes had finally ended. Takanori was exhausted, there had been so many things to assimilate and he feared his brain would explode one moment or another. Yuu soon came back and gave him what seemed to be iced-coffee, which wasn’t half bad. They were both talking, still sitting in the same spot, when the pink head’s phone started ringing. Takanori couldn’t keep himself from startling, still not used to that. Last time he was here, mobile phones didn’t exist. He watched the other walking away, talking to the person who had interrupted them. He turned around and smiled at Takanori, who was just looking at him with a bored face.

“All right, we’re waiting for you then,” Yuu said before hanging up.

“Who was that?” asked the blond, not sure if he had to show interest or not.

“Kouyou. You know him, he’s a friend.”

Takanori slightly frowned, but a face slowly came up to his mind and he nodded. He did know Kouyou, though he was more of an acquaintance than a friend. From what he could learn from his memories, Kouyou was close to Yuu, but not to the blond. He was a tall, honey-blond male with hazel eyes.

Takanori stood up, grabbing his black leather tote bag.

“I’ll leave you then,” he said, already walking away.

“What? No.”

Yuu grabbed him by the arm and forced him to sit back.

“That’s a friend of yours, Yuu, I’m not going to stay when I know I’ve got nothing to do with him,” sighed Takanori.

“He’s coming with his best friend, he just got transferred to our university,” replied the other, not letting his arm go.

“And what does it have to do with me?” frowned the blond.

“He doesn’t know anyone here besides Kouyou, and he’s actually majoring in Japanese literature too so…” trailed off the pink head.

The blond couldn’t keep himself from rolling his eyes. He really would have to play the babysitter with a man of his age? Seriously? He almost preferred to go for a mission that his host used to do instead of doing that. Takanori didn’t want to get attached to anyone this time, he didn’t want to make friends with anyone, he didn’t want to be hurting again. Moreover, he really didn’t want to become a kind of babysitter for adults, he already had enough to deal with.

Kouyou and his friend soon joined the two others who were bickering over some random stuff. Takanori thought his day couldn’t get worse, but he was totally wrong. Yuu and him both stiffened when they noticed the honey blond’s friend.

“Hey guys, this is Akira!” cheerfully said Kouyou, completely oblivious of what was going on with the two others.

Yuu and Takanori glanced at each other before standing up.

“I… I need to go, Yuu,” stuttered the blond, taking his bag with trembling hands.

“I know…” was the only response Yuu gave back, perfectly aware of what was happening to his friend.

Takanori didn’t even greet the newcomers and simply ran away, holding back the tears that were gathering in his eyes. He really was cursed.

✡✡✡

“What was that?”

Yuu, who was still staring at the corner where Takanori had disappeared, finally glanced at Kouyou and Akira, both looking dumbfounded. He couldn’t possibly say that his best friend just had met the love of his life, they would just laugh in his face. He really didn’t expect Akira to be that person, but he never had seen him before, so maybe, maybe if he had asked Kouyou for a picture, he could have avoided for his best friend to suffer from so much pain.

“I’m sorry guys, I dragged Taka here when he actually had something to do,” said the magenta-haired student, scratching his nape, smiling apologetically.

“He looked pretty distraught, is everything okay?” asked Akira.

Yuu stared at him and shook his head. He was the spitting image of Reita, never had they been so similar to him. Had the gods decided to torment his little friend even more than usual? They had taken their only chance of peace by making them immortal, but it wasn’t enough for them, they also had to bring their lovers back each time.

“A lot is going on right now, so please, be patient, he’ll come around,” replied the pink head, though he didn’t believe one word of what he said.

Takanori was sensitive, he would try to avoid them all from now on, Yuu was quite convinced about this. The blond didn’t want to go through all of this again, and the magenta-haired man couldn’t blame him for that. He also had had a hard time to adapt at first, especially that one of his host’s closest friends was the double of his former lover, from centuries ago.

Yuu smiled at Kouyou and offered the two friends to go to a café, giving Akira a small tour of the neighbourhood at the same time. He would try his best to make them forget about what had happened with Takanori, that was the least he could do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is something I began writing months ago, in 2015 actually I think. I thought about posting it because I really loved it. At first it was meant to be a oneshot, but it would have been way too long. So it might be around 5 chapters maximum.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this first chapter and that you'll be looking forward to reading the next one. Tell me what you thought about it ~


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not a native speaker.

He knew he couldn’t keep on doing this. He had avoided Yuu for a week, ignoring his calls, and he had skipped classes, not wanting to come across Akira there. The blond newcomer maybe wouldn’t try talking to him after witnessing Takanori’s reaction when they had met, but he still didn’t want to risk it.

The small blond was locked up in his bedroom, curled up in his bed under the covers. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d got out of there, nor when he had last eaten. His eyes were red and puffy from all the crying, he couldn’t even spill tears anymore, his eyes were dry. He just sobbed, or rather choked, biting his lower lip to try to keep any sound from escaping his lips.

Takanori couldn’t believe it, he had been back for one day only and he was already faced with his former lover’s reincarnation. Last time he somehow had managed to live without meeting him for years, but it seemed like the gods had decided that they wouldn’t let him off the hook so easily this time. He didn’t understand it, last time he had sacrificed his life for others, not even thinking about what the gods would think about it. However, as Yuu had said, he could have been spared the torture this time with such an act, but well… The gods were merciless, they were heartless, he should have known by now not to hope for anything good from them.

The blond groaned when he heard the doorbell, then the usual pounding. This most likely was Yuu again, trying to see him, just to make sure he was fine. Takanori knew the pink-haired man wasn’t responsible for what had happened, he couldn’t have predicted that Akira would be Reita’s reincarnation. Even though, the blond couldn’t stop himself from slightly blaming Yuu, as well as himself. If his friend hadn’t forced him to stay, and if he hadn’t given in, then never would have Takanori met Akira, thus he wouldn’t be heartbroken right now.

He jerked up when he heard his front door slam against the wall. He didn’t even have the time to do anything else that the magenta-haired student barged in his room, yanking the covers off of his body.

“Get up.”

Takanori just stared at him with wide eyes, not moving an inch.

“I’m not letting you do this again, get your shit together for fuck’s sake!” yelled Yuu, grabbing him by the arm to make him get out of the bed.

The blond clenched his fists, not believing what he was hearing, as he stumbled out of bed, trying as much as possible not to fall. What was wrong with Yuu? He perfectly knew what he was going through, this way of doing things wouldn’t bring them anywhere, and the pink head must have known that, he had already tried centuries ago.

“I’m not asking you to meet him again, _**Ruki**_ , but you can’t lock yourself up. You’ve failed Reita so much until now…”

Takanori’s eyebrows furrowed when he heard the other use his real name.

“Don’t you dare bring him into this, _**Aoi**_! You know nothing about how I feel! You’ve no right to judge me for this, your bitch’s back after all!” he growled, yanking his arm away from the other’s almost bruising grip.

Yuu’s eyes darkened, he spun around to completely face the blond, making the smaller man take a few steps back. Takanori knew better than to anger him, but words seemed to roll off his tongue before he could think about it.

“What did you just say?” snapped Yuu, glaring at the blond.

Takanori folded his arms, bearing his best friend’s gaze almost defiantly.

“Come on, you’re definitely fucking Kouyou. You got Uruha back, or at least his reincarnation, so you don’t care about me hurting or not,” spat the blond, returning the glare.

Yuu opened his mouth, ready to retort, when he finally noticed the other’s appearance, which made him hold back his response. No matter which body he was in, his friend always cared about how he looked, even in bed, which used to make the pink head laugh. But now… What he saw was someone completely broken, someone who was slowly giving up. Takanori looked like he hadn’t eaten in days, nor slept. The man only wore a large shirt, which wasn’t buttoned up, over his plain, black boxers. The magenta-haired immortal bit his lower lip, noticing the prominent ribs and hipbones. The blond looked awfully sick like this.

In the past they used to live together, but this time their hosts had seemed to be wealthy enough to live on their own, which made things pretty different. Yuu used to always keep an eye on Takanori before, making sure the other wouldn’t do anything stupid, but now that they were separated… The pink-haired man came to the conclusion that they were growing apart, their reincarnations as well as their souls. He could see that the usual gleam in Takanori’s eyes, which had always been there in all of Ruki’s reincarnations, even in the worst times, was slowly fading away; Ruki was _**dying**_.

Yuu sighed and smiled sadly at the other before hugging him, taking the blond by surprise.

“You can’t give up now, Ruki. Look at them… Look at us… We’re back in bodies that are the most similar ones to our real ones, it has to mean something,” he whispered, stroking the other’s head.

“There’s nothing for me out there…” trailed off Takanori, not making any move to hug back Yuu, nor to get out of the embrace.

“Don’t say that, Akira was worried about you when you left the other day,” replied Yuu, looking down at the other to lock eyes with him.

“Bullshit. You need to stop trying to patch up my heart, Aoi, it was dead a long time ago, and you perfectly know it,” mumbled the small man, slowly moving away.

The pink-haired man didn’t say anything, just observing the other moving around in the bedroom.

“I need closure, and I won’t get it if I stay here,” said Takanori, opening the curtains.

“What are you going to do then? You can’t just leave like this, your host had a life here, friends, family,” frowned Yuu.

“I’m not sure yet, but I don’t feel like holding myself back anymore. I had enough of the gods playing with us, I’m not going to try to get their forgiveness anymore.”

“You’re kidding, right? Ruki, that’s the worst thing you could ever do!” exclaimed the taller man.

“What could they possibly do to me? I think they actually can only torture me with Reita, they could kill me, but you know what…”

The pink head tilted his head to the side, confused as to where the blond was going with all this.

“I think they’ve no power over my life anymore,” smirked the blond.

“What do you mean?”

“I think they made us deities when they punished us,” replied Takanori, walking in his dressing room to get some clothes.

“That’s ridiculous,” scoffed Yuu.

“Is it?” chuckled the other, taking out black skinny jeans from one of the wardrobes. “Aoi, we’ve magic, something we _**never**_ had in our original life.”

To make his point the small blond snapped his fingers, making small, blue flames appear at the end of his fingers.

“We’re immortals, if we were to die, we’d come back to this world anyway… To me it’s pretty clear, the gods fucked up big time, and they can’t do anything about it anymore,” he explained, waving his hand to make the flames disappear.

The older man stood in the doorframe, bewildered. This wasn’t the way his best friend usually behaved. Right now, as he looked at Takanori, there was something completely different in the other’s way of moving, talking, and even in his eyes. What he was witnessing was the killer-side of Takanori, the one the former host had of course. This was something he didn’t think he’d ever see with Ruki in that body. The man sounded cunning, his eyes gleaming mischievously, with a hint of defiance. His aura was oppressive, threatening. It was all the opposite of what he had been just a few minutes ago, when he looked so heartbroken.

“This doesn’t mean that they can’t torture you in some way,” said Yuu, shaking his head.

“I’m quitting university, that will at least make it less probable to meet him,” replied Takanori, walking out of the room.

“And then what? Cut ties with everybody? With me?” asked the pink head.

The blond glanced at Yuu as he laid his clothes on his bed.

“I never said that.”

“But you’re implying it. You’re blaming me, aren’t you?” sighed Yuu.

Takanori froze in his spot, wincing as the other pinpointed the real problem. The blond knew he could avoid Akira pretty easily if he wanted, the man was a simple human after all, but Yuu was something else. The pink head had never let down the other, and no matter how crude Takanori’s words sometimes were in their former lives, Yuu always stuck around, not leaving the small man alone even once. Their magic made it possible for Yuu to find him, no matter where he was, making it impossible for the blond to escape.

“I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t think Akira would be him,” said the magenta-haired man, lowering his head.

“You should have checked when you discovered that he was Kouyou’s best friend. Uruha and Reita were close, you should have suspected something when you met Uruha’s reincarnation. They always come back together after all,” retorted Takanori, sounding way more bitter than he thought he would.

Yuu didn’t reply anything, knowing that it was useless. When the small blond man was hurt there wasn’t much to do, besides waiting. He didn’t want him to ruin everything though. The pink head really had the feeling this was their chance to finally have some sort of a happy life. He had found back Uruha in Kouyou, even though they were simple friends for the moment, and Reita was back too. However the blond didn’t seem to want to see it that way, according to him the gods were playing with their hearts again, and this time, maybe it had been the last straw for the small man. He was too sensitive to be able to deal with another of the gods’ punishments, one more and he would completely break down.

There was a gleam back in his dark-blue eyes, but Yuu knew that it wasn’t the same as before anymore. There used to be hope in these eyes, now he wasn’t even sure of what he saw in them.

“Listen, Yuu, whatever I do next, I’ll tell you, alright?” said Takanori, smiling faintly at the magenta haired.

“Will you really?” asked the other, his eyebrows knitted together.

“Yes. I’m not going to take any rash decision out of hurt right now, so don’t worry. I’m going to think everything through and when I'm sure of what I want to do, I’ll tell you,” replied the blond.

The older one of them slightly hesitated to agree, not quite sure the younger man would be alright, being left on his own like this. Maybe he was being overprotective right now, but he had always considered the other as a brother, and in these bodies, the feeling was even stronger because their hosts used to have a relationship quite similar to theirs.

“If you need anything, call me,” he finally said, scratching the back of his neck.

“I will,” promised the other.

“And don’t ignore my calls, alright? I need to be sure you’re fine, Taka,” sighed the pink head.

The blond pouted but still ended up agreeing, he knew the other would ask him something like that anyway so there was no point in arguing about it.

Yuu left right after, having to go to class. Takanori was still somewhat relieved to have the other gone, he really wasn’t in the mood to deal with him any longer, and although he wouldn’t have said it straightforwardly, he would have made the other understand it quite clearly.

He went to the kitchen and made himself some tea, finally deciding to get something in his body.

Right now, the blond was lost. He still felt heartbroken, but at the same time hatred had begun to seep into his heart. He didn’t want to be the gods’ puppet anymore, all his emotions came from their doings, he couldn’t stand it anymore. What could he possibly do though? He didn’t have anything to get back at them, he was powerless.

“This won’t bring you anywhere.”

The blond startled when he heard an unfamiliar voice come from behind him. He slowly turned around and dropped his cup of tea when he locked eyes with gleaming, golden orbs. He didn’t even feel the hot liquid burn his feet, he was paralysed.

The stranger smirked, his gaze fixed on the small blond who still hadn’t moved from his spot. He propped his elbows on the counter and laid his head in hands, waiting for Takanori to say something.

“You… How…” mumbled the blond, at a loss for words.

“You know who I am, right?” asked the black-haired man, his smirk not having left his lips.

Takanori breathed in, slowly calming himself down. He moved away from the puddle of tea on the ground, wincing as he felt how his feet had been burnt, but he couldn’t care less. Right now, what mattered was the person sitting in front of him.

“What is a god doing here?” he finally asked, eyeing the other warily.

“I’ve an offer you can’t possibly deny,” replied the man, standing up.

The blond took a step back, intimidated by the other man, as the other neared him. He didn’t know which god this man was, but there was no mistake about his nature, the small man knew it. Gods had such a powerful aura, they could crush people just with it. Takanori couldn’t stop himself from being scared however, what could a god possibly offer him besides more suffering?

He flinched as he felt the other cup his face, stroking his cheekbones with his thumbs.

“No need to be scared, Ruki, you’re definitely going to enjoy what I’m about to give you,” whispered the god, locking eyes with the small man’s blue ones.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who this is, haha. And guess what he's going to offer Ruki.
> 
> I said that this would only be five chapters, but I'm not sure now, it might be slightly longer.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not a native speaker.

_“Hurry up, it’s starting to rain!” exclaimed a blond, grabbing a smaller man’s hand._

_“We might get caught,” mumbled the small brunet, letting himself be guided by the other._

_The other only laughed, leading them deeper into the woods._

_“Reita, I’m not sure this is a good idea, I was supposed to take care of my siblings,” said the brunet, looking around warily._

_He was scared. Their relationship wouldn’t be approved of if people were to find out about them, and he had the feeling some of them were getting suspicious. He could feel the stares when he walked around in the village, although when he decided to look in someone’s eyes, he didn’t see anything. He was scared of someone following them when they decided to get away. He knew that as long as they stayed around their village, it was risky. People from other places wouldn’t suspect anything, the brunet being forced by his mother to wear woman’s clothes since he was a child._

_“Stop worrying, Ruki, Aoi’s taking care of them,” sighed the blond, stopping in front of a small cabin._

_“What if one of **them** comes again…”_

_The blond opened the door, letting Ruki walk in first. He lit a few candles and put a few logs in the hearth, starting a fire._

_He looked at the brunet from the corner of the eye and noticed him taking off his drenched kimono. Maybe he should have let him change before taking him away from that place, but he didn’t like knowing Ruki being all dressed up in that house, where his mother would only use him in her best interest, so the blond hadn’t thought about it twice when he had gone to the brunet’s house, asking him to go out with him._

_Reita shook his head and stood up, quickly closing the space between them._

_“Then I’d come to help you, as usual,” he replied, taking Ruki in his arms._

_“It will only bring you problems,” mumbled the brunet, hugging him back._

_The blond chuckled, shaking his head. He looked down at the small man in his arms, smiling at him lovingly. He knew that what he did could get him in trouble, but love did that, right? He would never stop caring about his small lover, and no matter what Ruki said, Reita knew that the small man actually loved his devotion._

_He cupped the other’s face with one hand and lowered his head, kissing him softly._

_“I don’t care,” he whispered against Ruki’s plump lips._

_He stared into the other’s eyes, and seeing them lighting up only convinced him that he was doing the right thing._

_“I’ll take you away from there, and then we’ll be able to live the life we’ve always wanted, I promise,” he murmured before kissing Ruki once again, more passionately this time._

✡✡✡

“What I’m giving you is freedom, why do you even need to think about it?”

Takanori didn’t answer, still thinking about how loved he had felt back then, when Reita was still alive, when everything seemed to be perfect. The blond looked up at the raven-haired god and shook his head, trying as much as possible to hold back the tears that were gathering in his eyes.

“I’m not ready to give up on seeing him, even if it’s just his body, even if he’s not in there anymore…”

✡✡✡

_“Oh god!”_

_He tilted his head back, his vision fogged with pleasure. He could only focus on the other’s groans and the feeling of being filled by him, the feeling of being loved and cared for._

_“ **Fuck**! Nngh– Reita!”_

_He dug his nails in the other’s shoulder blades as he pounded deeper in him, hitting his prostate with each hard thrust. He dragged his hands down his back, feeling blood under his fingernails, as he pushed his hips up, back against each of Reita’s thrust._

_Ruki could feel he was nearing his orgasm, and even though he wanted it, he also wanted this moment to last forever, to feel their bodies connected, moving, dancing together._

_He wrapped his arms around Reita’s neck and made him lean lower to crash his lips against his, muffling a louder moan as he climaxed between their stomachs. A few thrusts later and the blond reached his orgasm too, spilling inside of the brunet._

_They both laid on the futon, legs entangled, one of the blond’s strong arms around the other’s small waist as Ruki laid his head on Reita’s chest. The brunet was slowly dozing off, his breathing slowing down._

_“When are we leaving?” he still asked, remembering that he had first wanted to meet up with Reita to talk about that._

_“I was thinking about the night from Thursday to Friday,” replied the blond, looking down at his little lover, a lazy smile slightly stretching his lips._

_“Sounds good, I don’t want to stay here any longer,” mumbled the brunet, nestling his head in the other’s neck._

_The other hummed in agreement._

_“I love you, I won’t leave you there,” whispered the blond, bestowing a kiss on the top of the other’s head._

_“I love you too,” murmured the brunet, kissing him in the crook of his neck._

_The blond tightened his grip around the other’s waist and brought him closer, if that was even possible._

_“So, is Uruha co–”_

_Ruki didn’t have the time to end his sentence as the door to their cabin was slammed open. He looked in that direction and froze, recognising the people that were barging in the small place. He didn’t even have the time to react that Reita was taken away from him as he was pushed back violently on the futon. He tried to get up, not even minding being naked, and tried to get to the blond, but two taller and stronger men stopped him. He looked up at them and took a few steps back, fear slowly gaining him._

_“No, please, don’t…” he whispered, still backing away._

_“Ruki! Run!”_

_His eyes locked with Reita’s when he heard his lover yell at him. He tried to muffle a scream with his hands when he saw his blond lover being dragged out of the cabin and thrown on the ground, kicked by some of the men there._

_“Stop it!” he screamed, trying to get passed the two men who were still in his way._

_He didn’t even notice he was crying, he was struggling in their grip, trying to get to his lover, but he was too small, too weak to reach him. He kept on yelling at them to stop, screaming at each kick or punch the blond received._

_He had no idea how it happened, nor when, but at some point he was running to the blond who was lying on the ground, beaten up, motionless. The few villagers had left, although not without telling Ruki that everything had been his fault, that everything had come out of his own selfishness._

_He dropped to his knees, his vision blurred by the tears that kept on trickling down his face. He hesitantly reached for Reita, his hands shaking, and stroked his face gently, before finally pulling him in his arms._

_“This should never have happened,” he whispered, sobbing. “If I had followed mother’s orders, this wouldn’t have happened…”_

_He buried his head in the other’s chest, crying out for the blond to wake up, to come back to him._

✡✡✡

“I’ll call you when I make my decision, is that okay?” Takanori asked, looking at the god who was standing in the middle of the living room.

The man shook his head in defeat, sighing heavily.

“Why are you so prone to being hurt? Didn’t you have enough? I’m offering you an escape route,” said the black-haired god.

“What you’re offering me is to go back to my realm of origin, why would I go back there?” frowned the blond man, crossing his legs as he leant against the dining table.

“Don’t you want people to respect you, for once? To fear you? That world evolved too, it’s similar to this one, the only difference is, they still completely believe in the gods’ existence,” explained the golden-eyed man.

“I don’t even know which god you are,” retorted Takanori.

The god chuckled, nodding slightly.

“And you’re asking me to be yours in return, I don’t gain anything,” groaned the blond.

“Is that so? You’ll be rid of Reita’s reincarnation, Aoi won’t be pestering you anymore, and you wont have to deal with your host’s activities either, isn’t that good enough? Moreover you’ll have a god’s protection in return, I think it’s a fairly good deal,” smirked the man.

Takanori folded his arms and closed his eyes, wondering if this would really ease all the pain he had to endure. He would always have his memories, and those were more painful than seeing Reita’s body without his soul in it. Was he really ready to abandon Aoi behind too? The man had been by his side for centuries, he couldn’t just leave like this, even if Uruha was back too. He might have said horrible things to the pink-haired man earlier, but he actually knew that there wasn’t anything between Kouyou and Yuu. He could feel it as well as see it in his best friend’s eyes, he was suffering too.

The blond heaved a sigh, running a hand over his face. Uruha, unlike Reita for Ruki, hadn’t come back at each of Aoi’s reincarnation. Takanori wasn’t sure if it was better than his own situation.

He could still remember how those two were together. Aoi was, just like Ruki, worried about everything, about getting caught and then executed or sold as a slave, as they weren’t of Reita and Uruha’s status. On the contrary, Uruha was a goofy lover, always doing silly things to cheer Aoi up when the man would think about all these insecurities. He was like a lovesick puppy, but he was a nice man, one who respected his lover more than anyone else. He had been after Aoi for a long time, courting him in all the possible ways, still secretly though, until the other had given in to him, feeling like he had tortured the poor man maybe slightly too much.

“What’s your name?” asked the blond, opening his eyes to look at the black-haired god.

The man seemed to hesitate, but shrugged in the end.

“Kai,” he answered.

Takanori slightly nodded, trying to remember if that name was familiar to him, but he had never heard it. It wasn’t really a surprise though, they barely used the names of their gods when they prayed, only the priests knew them.

“Well then, Kai, I’ll call out your name when I make a decision,” said the blond. “You do hear the believers when they call you, right?”

“I do, and I guess I can work with that,” sighed the god. “But don’t take too long, Ruki, this offer is limited.”

The blond nodded in understanding, observing as the god disappeared into thin air. He collapsed on the sofa once he was sure the man was gone, not feeling his oppressive presence anymore. He was torn between staying here and going with Kai, and he couldn’t believe that was even happening. He had vowed not to give in to another man after Reita, and if he followed Kai, then he would break that promise, one he never intended to break.

✡✡✡

_“What if the kids see us? You know they’ll tell mother,” the brunet said, pushing the blond’s face away as he tried to kiss him._

_“Then you’ll say I was a customer,” replied Reita, smiling at him._

_“She won’t believe it, she didn’t manage to make me stay with one yet so she’ll get suspicious,” sighed the brunet, hugging his legs and laying his chin on his knees, his gaze set on one of his sisters who was staring at a fish in the pond._

_Reita looked at his lover sadly, not knowing whether touching him was a good idea or not. They were sitting on the porch of Ruki’s house, watching the brunet’s siblings playing around in the garden. He was glad to hear that the brunet still didn’t spend time with these men, but he knew that it wouldn’t last long, someday, his mother would force Ruki to do it, and he wouldn’t be able to protest, Reita knew it. He didn’t quite understand the mentality people had around here. A relationship with another man was forbidden, unless the said man was a prostitute, apparently._

_“I promised you I’d take you away from here. Once I’ve enough money for the two of us, we’ll leave,” Reita said, snaking an arm around Ruki’s waist, ignoring the other’s protests._

_“You’re overworking yourself,” mumbled the brunet. “If you’d let me earn some money too, it would–”_

_“ **No** ,” cut off the blond, looking sternly at his lover. “I already told you I was against it, I won’t let you use your body for this.”_

_“But we would be able to leave earlier,” whispered Ruki, looking down at his shaky hands._

_“And you wouldn’t be able to look at yourself anymore, you wouldn’t be able to let me touch you anymore, to even let me near you,” sighed Reita. “I know you, Ruki, your pride wouldn’t let you do so, you’d be too ashamed.”_

_The brunet nodded before looking up at the blond. He looked sideways at the children and noticed them all looking somewhere else, occupied with something else. He sighed before getting on his knees, wrapping his arms around Reita’s neck._

_“You’re too good to me,” he said, smiling at him faintly, before kissing him._

_“Only because I love you,” replied the blond, placing his hands on the small man’s hips, kissing him back._

✡✡✡

Takanori walked out of his flat, his tote bag on his shoulder, a cigarette in one hand and his phone in the other. He would go to university today, and he would make his decision afterwards.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here they are, Ruki's memories from his time with Reita! I honeslty almost teared up at one of them... 
> 
> What do you think he'll do now? Go with Kai, or keep his life as it is now?  
> And who do you think Kai is? Sure, he's a god, but which one? Why would he offer his "help" to Ruki?


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not a native speaker.

“Yuu, are you listening to me?”

The magenta-haired man blinked a few times before looking to his right, smiling apologetically at the other. Lost in thoughts, he hadn’t noticed that Kouyou had started talking to him.

They were both sitting at a terrace, drinking some coffee before going to the library to study for awhile.

“Sorry, what were you saying?” he asked, scratching the back of his neck.

He noticed how Kouyou’s lips formed a small, cute pout, one that looked way too similar to Uruha’s one when the man began to sulk. He could still perfectly remember it. Even if Uruha was a nobleman from an important family, he had those small habits that always reminded Aoi that his lover, no matter how strong and imposing he was, still was younger than him, still was some sort of a child next to him. Although, of course, Aoi’s behaviour used to completely change when he was around his lover. On purpose or not, the magenta-haired couldn’t tell, it was sort of instinctive; he had the need to feel pampered, protected when he was with Uruha, and so he wouldn’t act like he was twenty-seven, he would go back to his teenager-self, and he knew that was one thing Uruha loved about him. Uruha loved to take care of him, he knew it perfectly, and he let that happen, because he needed it, somehow. Life back then hadn’t been kind to him, finding someone with whom he felt secure had been quite a blessing, although in the end… Had it really been one? It had cost Uruha his life, and the man only was twenty…

The pink head could feel his heart breaking at the memories and the sight in front of him, knowing that no matter what, Uruha wasn’t in there.

“I was telling you that Akira saw Takanori in class today,” sighed Kouyou, running a hand through his honey-blond hair. “I met him on the way and he told me Takanori looked quite on edge.”

Yuu faintly smiled hearing that. At least the blond finally had left the flat, however the pink-haired student couldn’t help but feel like something was wrong about the whole situation. When he visited Takanori in the morning, he didn’t have the feeling the blond would go out anytime soon. He still needed some space, Yuu had clearly felt it, so why would the blond risk going out now, knowing that he would definitely come across Akira in class?

“He’s worried.”

Yuu cocked an eyebrow, confused.

“Akira, he’s worried about Takanori. He told me himself that he didn’t like to see him in that state, and it confuses him because they don’t even know each other,” explained Kouyou, tapping his fingertips on the table.

He frowned slightly. This was ridiculous, why would Akira be concerned about Takanori? As Kouyou had said, they didn’t know each other at all, they hadn’t even exchanged a single word, the blond had run away the moment he had seen Akira.

“He just feels like he’s drawn to Takanori,” said the honey blond, making the pink head gape at him. “Those are his words, not mine,” shrugged the taller man.

“That’s… Quite unusual. Takanori ran away from you guys, why would Akira feel that way? He knows nothing about him, for all he knows Taka could be an arsehole, although he’s not but well…”

“Love at first sight?” snorted Kouyou.

Yuu’s eyes widened. Kouyou had said this jokingly, but maybe he wasn’t that far from the truth. Yuu was convinced this time was their chance to finally be reunited with their true love, maybe this was the proof he needed to convince Takanori not to give up on everything, to make him see that there was still hope for them. The way Akira felt, maybe those actually were Reita’s feelings trying to resurface, maybe it actually was Reita _**himself**_ trying to get back to the world of the livings.

The magenta-haired man turned to the other and locked eyes with him. Kouyou was slightly taken aback by the intensity of Yuu’s stare. There seemed to be so many things going on in his head, but the honey blond couldn’t even figure out one thing. Yuu’s dark-blue eyes were shining with the sunset and Kouyou found himself drowning in them, his heart heavy in his chest. What was this feeling?

“Yuu…?” he whispered, confused.

“Do you believe in reincarnation?”

Kouyou stared at the other, dumbfounded. What was up with him? He seemed so desperate for an answer that it broke the honey blond’s heart. What was Yuu thinking about? There definitely was something, and it had been brought up by Kouyou’s failed attempt to make a joke about Akira’s feelings.

He had always had the feeling since he met Yuu months ago that his eyes held all the secrets of the world, everything that was hidden from human beings.

The pink head always seemed to look at things in another way than Kouyou did, the honey blond had noticed it quite early. In the very beginning, all the small things that Kouyou considered as normal intrigued Yuu and it always made the honey blond laugh to see him discover things like a little child. It really looked like the pink-haired man was born in the body of an adult and thrown out in the world just like that. But whether he believed in reincarnation or not… Kouyou couldn’t tell for sure. There were indeed things that made him wonder about that, and Yuu was the biggest mystery in this case, but he couldn’t tell for sure that he believed in it, nor could he say that he didn’t.

“Why are you asking me this?” he ended up asking, still staring into Yuu’s eyes.

The magenta-haired man bit his lower lip, looking away. Maybe he shouldn’t have asked, he knew that people nowadays didn’t believe in reincarnation as much as before, and even less in this world than his original one.

“Honestly, Yuu, I don’t know,” continued the honey blond.

Yuu gaped at him, he really hadn’t expected Kouyou to reply like this. He thought that he would just deny it, and that would be it, his hopes would have been crushed.

“I sometimes think that there is something we don’t know, something more to our lives, well hidden in our brains. Maybe our ancestors decided to forget about it, or to put it aside, and with time it was forgotten, I don’t know. But I can’t assure you that I believe in reincarnation, nor can I say that I don’t,” explained Kouyou, smiling softly.

“What do you need to decide then?” asked the pink head.

“Proof.”

Yuu hummed, nodding his head slightly.

“If something proved me that it’s real, then I would definitely believe in it, but I’ve no idea what that could be,” replied the honey blond before finishing his cup of coffee.

Yuu couldn’t stop himself from chuckling. Kouyou had the best proof he could find right in front of him, but he didn’t know that.

~

Takanori let himself fall on the sofa, groaning in pure frustration in one of the cushions. He had decided to take a decision today, after the classes were over, but he just couldn’t make up his mind.

He had seen Akira from afar, and the way the blond had smiled at him… He had felt his heart shattering to pieces. Akira and Reita were both so alike it hurt. They both had that stupid noseband on their faces too, and Takanori remembered how much he hated it back then, but Reita wore it to hide a scar he had from a fight, so he couldn’t really blame him back then for hiding it.

Now however he didn’t know if Akira had something too, but if he did have the same scar… This would be the first time. In their previous reincarnations, sometimes the blond would have a noseband, but he never actually was injured, Takanori had made sure to check that, so back then it was just Reita’s reincarnations’ style more than anything else, but now… Takanori had the feeling there might be something more, and he wasn’t sure he would be able to handle it.

He wanted to have hope the same way Yuu had, he wanted to believe that this time would be the right one, that this time, they would be reunited for real, but the small blond man wasn’t that naïve, he wouldn’t fall for one of the gods’ tricks again.

He sighed, turning on the television, and rolled on his back. He did want to leave this place, no matter how attached he was to Akira’s appearance, he knew Reita wasn’t in there, and he wasn’t sure he could go on with that one more lifetime. However, he didn’t want to break his vows either. Going with Kai meant giving himself fully to the god, it had been made clear, and Takanori had vowed to never give himself to anyone other than Reita.

He closed his eyes as he took a cushion in his arms and hugged it. He was exhausted, he hadn’t truly rested the past few days, and now tiredness was finally reaching him. He lay down on his side, curling up in a ball. He could feel his eyes welling up with tears, even if he tried to hold them back. No matter what his decision was, he knew he would end up hurting anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, all the Uruaoi feels I've had today made me start this chapter with them and... Yep. What did you think?  
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter, although it was pretty short. At first I didn't even want to go for Takanori's POV, but well... I didn't want to write more for the Uruaoi and it was too short when I ended that so I wrote a bit for Takanori.
> 
> Kudos and comments are always appreciated ♡


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